Reacting to Criticism

This is such an excellent article, I had to post it. I've been both the giver of and receiver of criticism... neither is a good position to be in, but it's part of life.

I hope God will share something helpful through this post.

...by Doug Fields and Matt McGill (from youthministry.com)

Both of us have received a lot of criticism in ministry over the years. I (Doug) have been criticized more than Matt but that's only because I'm a lot older and being doing ministry a lot longer. We often laugh with one another at how different we are in our response/reaction to criticism. I (Doug) would prefer to avoid and hope the noise goes away. While, I (Matt) would prefer to fight and prove that I'm right.

By nature, I (Matt) am passionate and care deeply. I'm also very opinionated and vocal. Everyone in the room knows how I feel and what I'm thinking. If there were the spiritual gift of CRUSADER, I'd have it.

Good things come from the way God wired me: I'm committed, work hard, and communicate clearly. I wish that when it came to criticism I could reflect these same qualities (and, quite frankly, so does Doug)! So, when I'm criticized, I'm quick to react (too quick to react)… and it's not pretty. I will argue about a conviction that borders on being condescending. My tone communicates that the person who criticized me is an idiot (i.e. "You really disagree? You've actually engaged your brain for a second and that's what you've come up with? Really?")

Doug is constantly telling me, "Matt, you have to pick your hills to die on." I say, "I pick them all because I'm not the one who dies." Doug sighs at my foolishness and I continue to make a commitment to change.

Here's what we know to be true for both of us: criticism hurts, but the pain is multiplied when we handle it poorly. We talked about some truths that we've both learned over the years when we react to criticism too quickly instead of responding with wisdom--here's what we've learned:

We miss out on gaining a new perspective that could be helpful.
Impulsiveness is the enemy of understanding. Quick reactions cut corners on listening to others' point of view. Because the criticism brings pain, a quick response that is intended to numb our pain becomes more important than learning something about ourselves. While there may be truth behind the sting… it's unheard when we quickly react.

We prolong the pain.
When we react to the pain, it may feel good in the moment, but it usually delays the healing process. A quick, over-reaction keeps us from asking, "God, even though this hurts, what might you have for me in this situation?"

We miss an opportunity for influence.
If a critic isn't heard by you, he/she probably won't listen to your reaction either (although, let's be honest, even when a critic is heard they still may not listen). Quick reactions drastically reduce your chance to influence the critic. On the other hand, when you take the time to listen and respond with wisdom, you might be able to squeeze some truth and influence a critic's heart.

We loose credibility.
Just about every church is a fertile garden for gossip. The church environment somehow empowers the critic to more freely squawk to those who will listen (and there's always someone in the congregation willing to listen). When critics are ignored or hurt by a angry reaction, fuel is added to the fire, and you can guarantee the critic will become louder and find new listeners to poison.

We miss direct feedback.
If you get a reputation for being someone who reacts to criticism (as opposed to carefully respond) chances are high that people in your ministry will distant their opinions from you. The problem with their fearful silence is that every leader must get feedback from others to lead well. Reacting to criticism will cut you off from this necessary leadership resource. Honest feedback is what keeps us from becoming the Emperor with No Clothes.

Boundless Summer Challenge

I have spent one month of summer doing the same old things that I usually do... work, eat, sleep, read a little, computer, tv, errands, doctor appointments, church each week... you know, the same routine and rut that each of us seem to fall into.

Why is that? I mean, there's nothing wrong with the things of our routine, is there?
Especially for me.
I mean, I like the "same old same old" and I like to know what to expect. I am not a surprise kinda girl.

However

When I want to get a deeper relationship with Someone, do I expect that to just fall into my lap?

I guess I do... judging from my actions.

Sad.

And so, my Florida cousin is participating in this challenge and I thought it seemed interesting, difficult, powerful ~ and I think I will give it a try.

Take a look here and see if you are interested in the event.
Let's do something different for this month of July. You can join in with me.

http://www.boundlessline.org/2010/07/boundless-summer-challenge-task-1.html

Let's go deeper!

Complaints & Customer Service

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a pretty high level of expectation when it comes to customer service. This is not from an arrogant "I deserve it" point of view, but more from the Golden Rule of "treat others the way you want to be treated" view.

I have worked in closed office environments and also in retail. While in retail, I have had the experience of receiving customer complaints (sometimes on the verge of abusive) but I have also had the opportunity to help resolve complaints.

I recently read about this issue in a book titled "A Complaint is a Gift: Recovering Customer Loyalty When Things Go Wrong" by Janelle Barlow and Claus Moller.

Quoting the book, "In simplest terms, complaints are statements about expectations that have not been met." And this is true. But they also point out that complaints are opportunities for an organization to reconnect with customers by fixing a service or product breakdown. Customers usually have a "deeper level" need than the surface complaint. If a customer complains about having to wait on hold for 3 hours for help setting up their expensive computer, the deeper issue might be that they made a stupid purchasing decision. They call their insurance for a simple question and the call is not returned for days; at a deeper level, they are warning their agent that they are open for a new policy at renewal time.

It is a universal truth - most customers do not complain, they simply choose to take their business elsewhere.

We should all be grateful when someone has enough assertiveness to tell us the truth, and to share their perspective with us. After all, we live in a world full of people and we are surrounded by opportunities to interact and have relationships.

Let's use each opportunity wisely!

Colonoscopy Time

Well, a long time ago, I began trying to mentally prepare myself for this... My husband had a co-worker who died of colon cancer several years back. He was a young man, a very athletic outdoorsy type of man, and not the type of person who would expect to die of such a horrible disease in the absolute prime of life. And so I knew that I would get this test done and that I would willingly put myself through the preparation - which as you know, EVERYONE says is the worst part. My doctor also is doing an endoscopy... his reason was to look for anything abnormal that would make my iron levels low, which seems to be chronic with me. As long as I'm going to be "out of it", I guess it makes no difference to me.

I met Dr. Shone when I was in the hospital in December and simply because of his kindness and straight-forward talk (in an accent that is so pleasant!), I decided that I should go to him for this test. I am a little short of the 50yo mark, but thought that I had been dreading it quite long enough, so why not go ahead and do it - while we still have health insurance.

I saw him about 10 days ago, and the most surprising thing is that they were able to get me scheduled so quickly! I was secretly hoping to delay it a month, but that was not to be.

The nurse came in to go over instructions, she talked so fast about all of it, I could not keep up. Then when I read over the list again Sunday, I discovered that I should not have been taking my iron pills for several days. Hopefully this is not a big deal.

I had to drink some nasty stuff in December for an MRI of my upper gastro area, and that was torture. My oldest daughter happened to be visiting me at the time, and if not for her encouraging cheerleading, I don't think I would have gotten it down. So I have to say that I am dreading the drinking even more than the expelling part. (Of course, this is in my mind right now, as I have not yet started my bathroom trips.)

My last meal was cottage cheese and tomato, my favorite comfort food, and it's 11:25am right now, so I have not had anything by mouth so far today.

I did go to Blockbuster and rented 4 movies. I am planning to sit and watch one while I gulp down my lovely HalfLytely concoction... even though my internet searching today has given me information that there is a pill that is possible to take INSTEAD of drinking the nasty, so I'm mad at myself for not researching better in advance.

I will just be so glad to have it over and done. I'm sure you have your own stories and testimony to share. Let's be thankful for tests, early detection, and being healthy. Recent research says that 1 in 7 people over age 50 will live to be 100 years old, so we owe it to ourselves to be as healthy as possible when we get there!