Lies and Truth... Love Conquers All

So, I've been on an emotional roller coaster this week... actually it's been since last Mother's Day... some of you know the details. I'm exhausted right now. And I was driving home from a road trip Saturday when this Toby Mac song came on the radio. I had one of those "ah-ha" moments, realizing that too many decisions in my life have been based on fear; fear and disbelief.

Not really believing that I was loved or good enough. Because of a stupid perfectionist personality, knowing that I was trying my best, and still failing... so therefore I was most assuredly not worthy of love from anyone.

And is this why someone becomes self-destructive? rebellious? wallows in sin? because you wrongly believe you can't do better? or make a change? you're beyond hope?

Sometimes I'm strong, and I can see the schemes of the devil, and I can discern the lies from truth.
And sometimes I'm not.
I have conversations with myself, my weak flesh, and my tormented memories of bad decisions... and then I'm stuck down there in the muck and mud, defeated and depressed.

It's one thing when it's me. It's another thing when it's my child.
And my heart just continues to be broken. I think I've cried it all out. I think I've turned it all over. And then out of no where, I feel the pain and the tears just start to pour out of me again.

How long do we wait Oh Lord? And why do we have to wait?
I become an impatient 2-year-old so quickly in this pain.

And then the quietness of the Holy Spirit comes into my mind, a scripture verse (“Cast your burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain you..." Psalms 55:22) or the words to a Toby Mac song:

You turned away when I looked you in the eye,
And hesitated when I asked if you were alright,
Seems like you're fighting for your life,
But why? oh why?
Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare,
You saw it comin' but it hit you outta no where,
And theres always scars
When you fall that far

We lose our way,
We get back up again
It's never too late to get back up again,
One day you gonna shine again,
You may be knocked down,
But not out forever,

You rolled out at the dawning of the day
Heart racin' as you made you little get away,
It feels like you've been runnin' all your life
But, why? Oh why?

So you've pulled away from the love that wou'd've been there,
You start believin' that your situation's unfair

But there's always scars,
When you fall that far

We lose our way,
We get back up again
Never too late to get back up again,
One day, you gonna shine again,
You may be knocked down but not out forever,

This is love callin', love callin', out to the broken,
This is love callin'.
This is love callin', love callin',
I am so broken
This is love callin' love callin



God, please let me be confident in Your Love and let me rest in You.
Thanks to Toby Mac for the song, and thanks to God for the reminder. <3